Monday, October 17, 2011

Belief Smashing: "I Can't" becomes "I Can"

How buying a new bike smashed an old belief.

I recently set out to look for a bicycle after my husband said, hey... we should buy some bicycles!

This was quite a cause for celebration as well. I have not been able to ride a bicycle for about 10 years due to some health issues I have been facing. But upon entering a wonderful local bike shop and test-riding several of the new models, I discovered that not only can I (ride a bike again that is), I really really enjoy it!

So after browsing and riding around in several other shops, enjoying it all the way, I finally found "the one." The bike that fit me and that I wanted to buy. But before I did, I needed to take some time to reflect on my current financial picture and determine exactly how much I felt comfortable spending, if at all, to make this bold new purchase. My family recently faced a period of economic challenge and I have since been committed to staying in what I call my financial intergrity, or not spending anything unless I have the cash on hand. So. I set my price. And I let it go.

I was just about to give up on the idea of buying that new bike at this time, - I kept hearing an old message playing, along with an old sinking feeling inside, saying no, don't buy it now. you can't afford it, - when I asked the Universe to show me the truth about what I CAN and CANNOT afford. Here is what I was shown.

I started to get a new and exciting prompting from inside that was telling me "What do you mean you can't afford it? Of course you can! and not only CAN you, this is cause for great joy and celebration." For even a few months ago, I was experiencing symptoms from a health condition that precluded me from even hoping to take that ride. But today... today I was test riding bikes all over the place. And doing very well!

So where was this old belief really coming from? And what did I need to do to smash it.

I was then transported back into my childhood. That place we all get our old beliefs from in the first place, and it was without blaming my family or anything like that, but just objectively witnessing where this thoughtform really originated for me. And I was surprised to find it was most notably connected to an experience I had as a child who was not allowed to take dance classes. Here is the story that I reviewed.

I was a natural dancer and entertainer at a young age, yes I am a Leo, and though it wasn't my calling to become a professional dancer for the whole of my life, it still was, and is, such an important part of my spirit and need for physical and inner expression. I just LOVED to dance! (still do!) And there were 2 classes for girls taught right next door. At the little community clubhouse in our neighborhood. I would walk past those windows freqently in my youth, peering in at the lucky little ballerinas and tappers who DID get to take those classes. And I could hear the music playing through the window, a sweet little tune that ran over and over in my heart and mind: "I have learned... a ballet dance... if you watch and see!"

Oh how I longed and LONGED to be in there! So I asked my mother if I could enroll. She said no. And then no again, and then no again. I actually asked - no, begged and pleaded is more like it - my mother every year if I could now take dance classes, every year for 12 years ... Can I please take those dance classes?? Her answer always the same: "You can't. We can't afford it."

But we could afford piano lessons, which I hated but did because my mother wanted me to. And we could afford a band instrument and uniform, for the school band I played in for about 3 years which I dreaded but found easy because there were musical genes in my blood (my German grandfather, a beloved musician and teacher) because my father wanted me to. I don't know. I had begun to babysit at age 11 and would save my babysitting money, a considerable amount. I wish someone had just said, "you CAN! you can use your babysitting money for you dance classes!" The thought never crossed my mind - ? - or did it? Was I again told no, I can't?

In any case, looking back over these and other spirit-breakers I experienced, a sensitive creative and gregarious child, passionate even then, I see how I grew up with an iron gate over my heart that would often signal me, if even unconciously, when I continued on in young adulthood. When I came across certain opportunities and creative callings, I would experience a shutting down inside. Something telling me, don't bother. You can't. And feeling sad and even angry because I simply believed that somehow in this lifetime, others could do the things I wanted to do, but I was simply not allowed. And I carried this belief with me, at first unconsciously, for many many years. In fact, it was still affecting me today. Well, yesterday, that is!

And in all fairness to my story, I also did shatter many if not most of the other "I can'ts" from my life. I was told I could't move to New York City by myself after college. "You can't do that!"... I DID. I was told I could NEVER find an apartment in the Manhattan that I could afford by myself. I did that too. And I swam with wild dolphins, and I later moved to New Mexico "because Spirit prompted me to" with barely a dime to my name, all after having been told "Alexa, ... you CAN'T do that!!". Well I DID do those and many other things. I answered my spiritual callings and I even created my dream job and bought myself my very own, and very beautiful I may add, house and home. All after being told "I couldn't do that!"

But looking back, and even just a few weeks ago while contemplating buying myself a wonderful new recreational treat, I was still at some crutial times under the influence of that old worn-out message from my childhood still running somewhere in my brain. It seemed to creep up at key moments and opportunities in my life that were related to my deepest heart-longings and surely in stepping out of the paradigm held once deeply by my old family system. And this is what came up from a simple decision I was making about whether or not to buy myself a bike. A bike that had this little gift in it as well.

Well needless to say, shortly after having that realization I DID buy myself that new bike. This was easy and clear and happened after I found myself experiencing that old familiar message with the sinking feeling inside as well claiming: "no, you can't afford it". And here is what else happened:

So... I had put it out to the Universe. And I had stated to my husband along with that just how much I was willing to spend, just the amount I could make for a cash purchase. And you know what? That bike was on sale the day I went to buy it! Yes! and not only that, it was the last day of the Sale. so I just HAD to buy it, lol. And it all came in, even with the helmet, the lock and the side-mirror, it all came in just under what I had decided would be the maximum I would spend on a bike purchase at this time. And I love it! There are many beautiful nature trails nearby, and I am enjoying it very much. I would say that was some heavenly on-sale synchronicity.

So I am now enjoying it. And celebrating too. And "Yes" I could afford it... and easily, and yes I CAN ride it! Something I was not able to do even a few months ago. So I CAN afford the things that support and feed and nurture and express the joy and fun in life. And I CAN continue to improve and reclaim my physical wellness. And it all shows me the truth of Truths... which totally busted an old and so worn-out story and gave me a brand new real one in it's place, that finally! I can see. ...
Yes I CAN.

And whatever it is, you CAN too!

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