From Codependency to Freedom

Looking back over the past 7 years of my personal recovery journey and it is startling to witness how differently I feel today. I am truly feeling liberated. Seven years ago this year I was fortunate to find myself attending some rather rare and precious classes with some rather rare and precious master teachers. They were teachers leading a 7 week class in codependency recovery. And this learning truly changed my life. It was definitely the missing piece in my own long-active spiritual path. And I am so grateful for that class (and those teachers/arch-angels extraordinairre) today. That learning healed me. And set me free to move beyond. Here is a post I shared a few years ago. It still holds true today. For those embarking on the deeper path to emotional healing and recovery, wishing you peace, joy and serenity. And most of all... flight! It happens. :)

From Codependency to Freedom -
Are you recovering from codependency? Do you have traits of the codependent emotional system?
Recovery from co-dependency happens with Awareness, inner healing and learning to identify and own your feelings. Learning what your true emotions are and how to express them is equally important.

Codependency is a trauma coping behavior system and happens when we are raised in environments that did not feel safe or emotionally nurturing. Sometimes you have to dig deep to find threads of codependency in your own life.

Here are some of the characteristics of having grown up in dysfunctional homes:
from coda.org

Patterns and Characteristics of Codependence
These patterns and characteristics are offered as a tool to aid in self-evaluation. Persons may experience some, most or all of these traits. They may be particularly helpful to newcomers.

Denial Patterns:
I have difficulty identifying what I am feeling.
I minimize, alter or deny how I truly feel.

Low Self Esteem Patterns:
I have difficulty making decisions.
I judge everything I think, say or do harshly, as never "good
enough."
I am embarrassed to receive recognition and praise or gifts.
I do not ask others to meet my needs or desires.
I value others' approval of my thinking, feelings or behavior over
my own.
I do not perceive myself as a lovable person.

Compliance Patterns:
I compromise my own values and integrity to avoid rejection or
others' anger.
I am very sensitive to how others are feeling and feel the same (high level empath).
I am extremely loyal, remaining in harmful situations too long (may apply to contact with family of origin).
I value others' opinions and feelings more than my own and am afraid
to express differing opinions and feelings of my own.
I put aside my own interests and hobbies in order to do what others
want.

Control Patterns:
I believe most other people are incapable of taking care of
themselves.
I attempt to convince others of what they "should" think and how
they "truly" feel.
I become resentful when others will not let me help them.
I freely offer others advice and directions without being asked.
I have to be "needed" in order to have a relationship with others
www.coda.org


I am passionate about my own recovery from codependency. The earned rewards (gifts) from codependency recovery are many, and include acceptance (inner peace), bridging your duality, self-love, empowerment, compassion (for self) and becoming Whole again.

I never thought of myself as codependent. In fact, I was and am a fiercely independent and adventurous spirit. But when I "stumbled upon" codependency recovery along my own healing journey, the truth and wisdom I felt in those classes brought me to a new level of understanding and healing myself. I realized that although I could stand on my own, I sometimes struggled emotionally. I had a terrible anxiety, especially in new groups of people, and in fact had great difficulty identifying my own feelings and internal boundaries within my family and beyond. A sensitive, it was easy for me to get lost in the energy and emotions of another. I was highly empathic, yes, but I found out this was also b/c there were not strong boundaries in my own dysfunctional family. And although I had strong shamanic and invisible spiritual awareness, I still had struggles in my family of origin. I found out this is because of my human path. What a relief! I found people who "got it", and me! And people who were working consciously on their own return to Wholeness. I finally felt a peace I cannot explain. Because it all, and by "it" I mean "I"... started to make sense.

Today: Knowing myself feels good. I am empowered. So does having well-established boundaries. I am free to be whole in myself and to experience more awareness, freedom and joy than ever before. I love meeting new people. And I love to share the gift with others.

I'll sign-off today with this proverb:
Just when the caterpillar thought the world was going to end, it became a butterfly.
Fly freely. It's time.

I have been reborn

I have just been reborn! (literally!) I graduated this weekend from a 20 hour intensive Shimsung training program and my old life is over! In fact, the day I met my Teacher my watch stopped. At 11:51pm... almost the same time I was born (I was born at 10:53pm). My watch began to slow to a crawl at 6pm just after meeting my teacher; and stopped completely a few hours later just before midnight. That was the day the training began. My gorgeous hubby turned and said to me, your old life is over, and your new life has begun. He was right. (and he's next! lol). After completing 22 hours of Shimsung process and training and graduating the class, after having a forgiveness experience with my parents (and now myself) that I am so deeply grateful for, and after experiencing something I can scarcely discuss right now, my goal today is to continue to learn and practice and study and grow with my new dahn yoga master teacher. So happy! My Intent is to strengthen my core, enjoy my true self, and continue to expand my master consciousness. For myself. And for others and the world. Kamsamnida!

Spider Medicine: Definitely

Our grandmother spider is at it again! She is huge and beautiful and definitely calling for our attention. We watch her every night. Had to look up the official medicine. Here it is:

Spider Medicine -- a totem of the feminine

1) Grandmother Spider was the woman who, out of her dreams, created the earth and the people who reside here (energy and the power of creativity). She is known as a great teacher, storyteller, as well as a protector and keeper of knowledge.

In her web she brought the alphabet to us (a form of communication and learning), as well as the ancient language of geometric shapes. In her web, she weaves the connections of past, present, and future (time) together. The web is spun in spirals, and she generally sits in the middle of it, gathering patience for things to come. As she waits there, she reminds us that we are all the center of our own world, but keeping in mind that we have a strong interaction with the rest of the universe. The web also represents the medicine wheel and the wheel of life. The web is constantly changing by what the universe brings to it, as mother spider begins her web anew each day.

The spider knows to follow the most direct route. Each spider has eight legs, which also form the number eight (8). When you see the number written, you will notice that it forms the infinity symbol, which encompasses all of time (past, present, and future). I believe that if you break down what infinity really is, it's just unconditional love and the energy of it. The eight legs are also representative of the four winds of change and the four directions. The body of the spider has two oval or round parts, also forming the number eight, and can represent the flow from one circle of life to another; death and rebirth; change. As the spider grows, it sheds its outer layer just as we let go of the things in life that we no longer need and which no longer serve us.

Contrary to popular belief, spiders are agile, gentle, strong, and extremely delicate creatures and are always a good sign when they show up in your life. They are also helpful in that they eat those little pesky buggers that like to dine on us!

Remember that each time we work on and heal ourselves, we are helping to heal everything and everyone else since we are all connected through the web. Live in love, light, and happiness! from www.spiderwomantherapies.com

2) shorter version - Spider Medicine represents creativity. Its 8 legs represent the 4 winds of change and the 4 directions on the medicine wheel. Its body is in the shape of an 8, which represents infinite possibilities. "Spider people" must look beyond the web of illusion of the physical world and look beyond the horizon to other dimensions.
It means, "wake up girl and get creative. You've got a lot to say. Think, create, think, create." Needless to say, spider medicine was telling me to get back to my office and start weaving new patterns for my life. from www.drstandly.com


I feel so blessed to be in the presence of her great medicine. and I love her!

Spider medicine?

Every evening this week my hubby and I have been watching a rather bulbous spider come out and spin a wonderous web across our back deck. She is so fascinating and it is amazing to watch. She shoots herself (and her web) across from the wall of the house to the posts and the chairs, and you can see her miticulous little "hands" working so fast and hard, like a master knitter, and with such precision.. each and every night. In the morning, the web is gone. No doubt (as my hubby describes it) blown away by the insects and wriggling from the night before. Then, just at dusk, she appears again on our porch, another mituculous spinning for another day's (or nite's) meal. - She does resemble Charlotte actually, and we are waiting to see "smart dog" written in her art! in the meantime, I am so inspired to honor my own daily routines. Of working, cleaning and preparing our meals. We may have to do them every day. But she is a glowing example of dedication to the daily chores that simply need to get done. On the other hand, I think her medicine is also that of a dream weaver. And of weaving a new dream. I'll have to look it up! and it has been fascinating to watch. namaste miraculous spider.


PT. II - Spider Medicine: Definitely

Our grandmother spider is at it again. She is huge and beautiful and definitely calling for our attention. We watch her every night. Had to look up the official medicine. Here it is:

Spider Medicine -- a feminine totem
1) Grandmother Spider was the woman who, out of her dreams, created the earth and the people who reside here (energy and the power of creativity). She is known as a great teacher, storyteller, as well as a protector and keeper of knowledge.

In her web she brought the alphabet to us (a form of communication and learning), as well as the ancient language of geometric shapes. In her web, she weaves the connections of past, present, and future (time) together. The web is spun in spirals, and she generally sits in the middle of it, gathering patience for things to come. As she waits there, she reminds us that we are all the center of our own world, but keeping in mind that we have a strong interaction with the rest of the universe. The web also represents the medicine wheel and the wheel of life. The web is constantly changing by what the universe brings to it, as mother spider begins her web anew each day.

The spider knows to follow the most direct route. Each spider has eight legs, which also form the number eight (8). When you see the number written, you will notice that it forms the infinity symbol, which encompasses all of time (past, present, and future). I believe that if you break down what infinity really is, it's just unconditional love and the energy of it. The eight legs are also representative of the four winds of change and the four directions. The body of the spider has two oval or round parts, also forming the number eight, and can represent the flow from one circle of life to another; death and rebirth; change. As the spider grows, it sheds its outer layer just as we let go of the things in life that we no longer need and which no longer serve us.

Contrary to popular belief, spiders are agile, gentle, strong, and extremely delicate creatures and are always a good sign when they show up in your life. They are also helpful in that they eat those little pesky buggers that like to dine on us!

Remember that each time we work on and heal ourselves, we are helping to heal everything and everyone else since we are all connected through the web. Live in love, light, and happiness! from www.spiderwomantherapies.com

2) shorter version - Spider Medicine represents creativity. Its 8 legs represent the 4 winds of change and the 4 directions on the medicine wheel. Its body is in the shape of an 8, which represents infinite possibilities. "Spider people" must look beyond the web of illusion of the physical world and look beyond the horizon to other dimensions.
It means, "wake up girl and get creative. You've got a lot to say. Think, create, think, create." Needless to say, spider medicine was telling me to get back to my office and start weaving new patterns for my life. from www.drstandly.com

I feel so blessed to be in the presence of her great medicine. and I can't wait to see what magical web she weaves tonite!

Polarity Balancing: Embracing our anger

In order to heal and release something, we must first meet it as a friend.

It is 2011 and many of us are feeling a real pull to finish healing or wrapping up certain issues we may have been processing for quite some time now. Myself, I have been working on harmonizing my inner polarities and have come to some real peace with the issues of anger. And you know what is helping me to strengthen and shift the most? It is this: honoring and listening to my anger.

Anger is not something to run away from. Even the Dalai Lama will tell you "of course I still get angry! if people never get angry I think something is wrong in their head!" lol (and he was! laughing out loud)

I believe that anger is a friend. A God given messenger that alterts us when something is wrong, not good for us, and needs changing. Indeed, it is anger that has fueled, not ego-driven madd anger, but grounded healthy anger, with consciousness, that has fueled some of our greatest human historical feats to date (ie: ghandi freeing India, MLK's civil rights transformation, women being granted the right to vote, etc etc.) So anger is there as energy, as a messenger to guide us to the next right steps. If we work with it as a friend, and non-violently. yes? and then, it too shall pass.

And as I continue to release and clean out my own inner polarity issues, a sign of the times it seems these days, I close with this:

the time is now for some great healings to occur. don't be afraid to feel what you are feeling. and don't swallow it down! it is time for releasing it. (for good!) express your feelings in a safe and appropriate place, ... and then let them go! and set yourself free. It's time!


let your authenticity be your guide.

2011: Liberation from the dream of the planet

it's 2011 and many of us are being asked to bring our polarities into balance. as the shift is happening, and swiftly, it surely can be a wobbly time! just look at what the house and senate have been forced to do! compromise? I look at where compromise is needed in my own life as well. And the wells to this one run deep. Cleaning up my own inner polar clashes at this time, bringing harmony in through the duality, and though I can't say it necessarily feels "good," it is good, and on another level it is truly exciting. Liberation! It is time to be Free. namaste and lots of love to those on the deeper healing path at this momentous time.

Creating Space: letting go of stuff

After making a big move to Maryland recently, I am reflecting and enjoying the fact that I have let go of sooo many things!

I wanted and intended my new home to be what I call zen: clear, uncluttered, and only filled with things that fill and feed my current life and happiness. This meant letting go of old clothing that I no longer like or wear, old kitchen items like plates and things I rarely used, and even many of my old once-treasured spiritual and healing books. My current bookcase holds 9, sometimes 10 books, books that I am currently reading or refer to and simply one or two of my powercharged (or cooking!)favorites. This feels good and right for me. It is also easier to keep clean and I am enjoying my new practice of respecting my space by not only keeping but enjoying keeping my living space tidy and clear, and I am... enjoying it that is!

I am also loving being here in Maryland very much. It is beautiful, multi-cultural, rich in warmth and spirit, and gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous. It is so green with trees everywhere, and with the coast waters nearby and a wonderful kind of humidity and nurture, it feels similar to a rainforest (to me). And my body is loving that too.

This was a very welcomed surprise for me. And I am truly embracing it. We, my hubby and I both that is, are also enjoying many new and/or reunited friendships and already a sense of community that we were missing very much. I feel so blessed.

The creating of my new space has also come at the right time for me, a time for expanding both my inner and outer spaces again, and of deepening my inner study and its meaning to me.

Here are a few first pics from Maryland, on a cloudy day. Wishing you peace and wellbeing, and the freedom of releasing some (inner or outer) clutter today!

namaste